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Idiot Sauce

[The episode starts off at the Krusty Krab.]

Mr. Krabs: [yelling] May I have EVERYONE's attention please?

[customers gossip among themselves]

Mr. Krabs: I would LIKE all of my employees to return to my office. IMMEDIATELY!

Fred: So you just disturbed our lunch just so you could get your employees?! This is absolutely ridiculous! [Throws patty on floor. Then everyone copies.]

Mr. Krabs: If you wanna argue with me, young man, then you'll feel the wrath of this boat. [lifts boat]

Squidward: [Squidward, who was sleeping, wakes up in astonishment] Wha- Why did you wake me up. And why are you lifting this boat?!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, you're being used as a cannon. However, this isn't included in your pay check.

Squidward: What- No! [throws boat] Ahhhhhh!

[boat smashes into the crowds]

Fred: MY LEG!

Frank: Everyone, lets go eat at the Sea Chicken Shack. This place is old and nothing ever changes. All you ever see is a disgusting octopus, a cheapskate who throws thinks at you and barks, and a fry cook that makes- [thinks] the most disturbing, concerning junk food!

Everyone: Yeah!

[Everyone starts walking out but Mr. Krabs closes the doors.]

Mr. Krabs: Waaait! You can't leave!

Tom: Why?!

Mr. Krabs: Uh.... [desperately thinks] Because you haven't tried our new sauce yet. [laughs nervously] Hehe.

[Mr. Krabs quickly barricades the doors with all the drift wood he could find.]

Fred: Oh wow. [moans] Great. Now we're trapped here because this lunatic.

Mr. Krabs: Um, let me correct you on that. You're trapped here until YOU spend your hard earned money on my patty with some of the newly invented sauce!

Old Man Jenkins: Is it spicy?

Mr. Krabs: Um, [remembers that the sauce is actually a hot sauce.] maybe. Oh, I don't know! And neither will you until you all try it!

Frank: Just to get out of this wasteland, I'll take one.

Harold "Bill" Reginald: Me too.

"'Fred: Me three!

[Squidward, who has been stuck under the boat's weight for ten minutes finally manages to get out.]

Squidward: [angrily shouts] Mr. KRABS! I quit! You can't just do this to your employees. And it's ALREADY closing time! And these people want to go home.

Everyone: Yeah!

Squidward: SpongeBob wants to go home.

SpongeBob: Uh, no I don't.

Squidward: Even Patrick wants to go to his rock!

Patrick: [staring at mayonnaise] Uh, hi Squidward!

Squidward: And most importantly, I WANT to go home! So remove all those boards you nailed before I call the Bikini Bottom Police Department!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob and Patrick don't want to leave.

Squidward: That's because SpongeBob is not normal. Nor is Patrick. Patrick, don't you want to go home and stare at mayonnaise there?

Patrick: Uh, wha-

Squidward: Okay, I'll take that as a yes.

Mr. Krabs: But Mr. Squidward, you haven't tried our new sauce yet!

Squidward: Like I care about eating junk food!

[Mr. Krabs runs in the kitchen and brings out some patties.]

Mr. Krabs: These patties were made fresh by SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Indeed they were! Sir!

Mr. Krabs: They have the new sauce. It costs you all five dollars each plus tax.

[Everyone pays and takes one. Scene goes to time card.]

French narrator: 50 exhausting checks and payments later....

[scene goes back to Krusty Krab.]

Mr. Krabs: And here's the last one for you, Old Man Jenkins.

Old Man Jenkins: But, I don't have any money

Mr. Krabs: [grabs and removes his dentures from his teeth.] Then your false teeth will have to pay then!

Old Man Jenkins: Ah, okay. Good thing I learned how to swallow before chewing, haha.

[everyone tastes them.]

Fred: Hey! These taste like regular Krabby Patties.

Mr. Krabs: Ah, but you are wrong my friend. The new saucy sensation takes a few minutes to get deep in your taste buds. Be patient.

French narrator: A few Krabby Patty moments later

Fred: It still tastes the sam- [screams] Ahhhhhhh!

[everyone else starts screaming]

Fred: Oh Neptune! This isn't a new sauce!

SpongeBob: [peaks out kitchen order window] Of course it isn't. It was just some hot sauce Mr. Krabs found lying around.

Fred: Oh it burns!

Old Man Jenkins: Doesn't burn for me! My tongue got eaten by a rogue worm a few days ago.

Mr. Krabs: Shut up, Fred!

Frank: This is an abomination! We need to tear down the Krusty Krab instead of breaking out of it!

[anchovy noises start being heard]

Mr. Krabs: [worriedly panics] Uh-oh!

Anchovies: [running in as a huge army] Meep, Meep, Meep!

Harold "Bill" Reginald: Yes! YES! Help is here! Listen, tear down this restaurant for us!

Mr. Krabs: Quiet you mindless bottom feeder!

[the anchovies start piling up at start breaking down the walls, then the kitchen. then Mr. Krabs safe. Plankton who was hiding inside it is revealed.]

Plankton: Run for your lives! Freedom!

Mr. Krabs: Hey, get back here you nasty bug!

SpongeBob: Hey wait for me!

[everyone runs out of the Krusty Krab, completely dismantling it run over Squidward leaving him behind.]

Squidward: [faints]

French narrator: 50,000 years later.

Squidward: Wha- what happened?? [notices trail of white beard] [starts screaming] AHHHHHHHH!

[episode ends.]